Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents (2015) by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD
From a survival standpoint, as children we are completely dependent on our parents/caregivers to keep us safe. And this includes not only physical safety, but emotional safety as well. If we have emotionally immature parents, it is likely we are not being provided the emotional support and safety we need in order to thrive. Again, to help us survive, we create stories (“fantasies”) and/or roles (“role-self”) in order to maintain hope via the illusion that our needs are being met. Unfortunately, the reality is that we are likely never going to get this need met by our parent/caregiver and we can carry these expectations, fantasies, and role-selves into adulthood as they continue to play out in other relationship dynamics until WE are able to take responsibility for our own healing (which is totally possible).
This book helps to map out the impact of generational trauma, as well as provide feedback about how we can develop the insights we need to move forward in our healing, and further outline ideals for what to expect/work toward in achieving healthy relationship dynamics.
How did I hear about this book: I’ve heard of this book from a number of sources such as clients, colleagues, and media like.
Would I recommend to my colleagues: Sure
Would I recommend to my clients: Yes, it is written for the general public as the target audience
How do I apply this content to my work: This is another book that outlines generational transmission of trauma/developmental trauma. I might recommend this book to my clients to supplement our work together. During sessions, we can reflect and process about the insights they gained as they read the book and resonate their experiences with the anecdotes or exercise questions and then we can look at skill-building exercises to help the clients ground themselves in their own experiences and perspectives and create some distance from their parents/caregivers. Additionally, I am trained in EMDR so this might be a useful modality to reprocess and replace some of the negative core beliefs that are associated with some of the “fantasies” they had created as a result of these experiences of not getting developmental needs met. I may also utilize some dance/movement therapy techniques to help clients re-pattern their movement developmental trajectory in an effort to let go of their “role-self” for their “true self”. These longer-term therapeutic modalities continue to support efforts to cultivate proficiency in the aforementioned skills.
