Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection (2024) by Charles Duhigg
Charles Duhigg is a journalist who embarked on a journey of self-improvement when he was confronted by negative consequences of his own communication shortcomings. He researched far and wide across many different disciplines to identify common communication challenges, as well as collated information about patterns that consistently led to successful resolutions. Duhigg identified 3 conversational themes:
Practical (What’s this really about?)
Emotional (How do we feel?)
Social (Who are we?)
Duhigg highlights the necessity of being clear about what the conversation is about. If not, the participants will not be on the same page, and therefore will be unable to come to a resolution due to this foundational disconnection. Once we are able to recognize the appropriate conversational theme, the book then guides us through skills and insights to help us navigate a multitude of complex factors to lead us to a successful outcome.
Communication is hard. It is incredibly complex to navigate the complexities of interpersonal dynamics (verbal and non-verbal) in order to get a clear message across, especially when that message is complex. Successful communication requires a significant amount of skill and technique to both be aware of yourself in the conversation, but also the other person(s) you are engaging with. There is also so much that is NOT in your control that needs to be taken into consideration. At the heart of it all, we need to feel safe, seen, heard, and connected.
How did I hear about this book: I came across it in a thread in one of my professional networking groups
Would I recommend it to colleagues: Absolutely
Would I recommend this to clients: Absolutely
How do I apply this content to my work: As I read through the book, I appreciated the integration of clinical use of skill around communication, as well as hearing examples and research from other disciplines. Ultimately, I heard a lot of value around skills I have acquired in my training as a (talk) therapist, as well as specialized training as a dance/movement therapist (even if identified under a different name–e.g., “looping” in the book sounds a lot like reflective listening). It validated a lot of the skillbuilding I do with clients to help them build and/or repair healthier relationships with others, as well as a lot of the techniques I utilize to build rapport with my clients. A lot of the foundational discussion around safety and connection also took me back to Polyvagal Theory–we need to feel safe and social in order to have successful interpersonal interactions with others. If we don’t feel safe and/or if other people involved in the conversation do not feel safe, the conversation easily goes off the rails. Through a combination of techniques, I work with my clients to increase self-awareness and insights around their own triggers and capacity for self-regulation, use of assertive communication skills to articulate their words and meanings clearly (verbally and non-verbally), as well as skills for re-directing and/or re-approaching the conversation if it goes sideways.
Disclaimers: These reviews are based on my own personal experience reading these books and do not reflect on the book’s author or publisher. I have not received any commissions or other incentives to promote my reviews. My reviews express my own unbiased opinions.
