Bits and Pieces: My Mother, My Brother, and Me (2024) by Whoopi Goldberg
I started reading this book as a self-care read. This was not meant to be one that I reviewed. That being said, when I downloaded it, I thought it was just a Whoopi memoir (and I had not read the synopsis). It turns out, this book was Whoopi’s reflection on the grief and loss of losing her mother and her brother–”those people who knew me from day 1”--people whom she referred to as significant cornerstones in her life, and the experience of feeling “lost” after losing them. She encourages the value to feel it–to laugh and cry. Whoopi reflects on stories that exemplify the dynamics between her and her mom and brother from childhood through adulthood. And if you’re listening to the audiobook, it’s an entertaining read to just listen to her story-tell– she is in her element and it doesn’t even sound like she is reading (and I often wonder how much she might be improvising). She does well to describe the ongoing experience of grief–the complexity, the nuances, and discerning the different experiences depending on the relationship, as well as the difference between grieving the loss for the loved one versus grieving the loss for yourself.
Now that being said, the discussion about grief and loss are like the book-ends for this story–only appearing at the very beginning and at the very end. The stories she tells in the middle exemplify parenting at its finest. I was consistently matching her stories with the guidelines outlined in The Power of Showing Up (Siegel & Payne Bryson). Whoopi’s childhood was not perfect, nor was her mother a perfect person or the perfect parent. There was certainly adversity present, and ruptures made. But there was such a genuine way that her mother showed up for her and her brother (and many of the students her mother taught) that Whoopi highlights and attributes to much of her success in becoming the grounded person she is today, and the person she needed to be in order to be capable of all that she achieved. And that is worth reading.
How did I hear about this book: A friend of mine had been reading it/told me about it. Whoopi Goldberg had been a staple of my childhood (when it came to movies, if she was in it, my family rented it!) and I figured I’d enjoy reading whatever she had to say.
Would I recommend it to colleagues: Sure
Would I recommend this to clients: Yes.
How do I apply this content to my work:
It can be one thing to encourage folks that they don’t have to be this “perfect parent”, but sometimes it’s nice to have an example (humbling even?) of what that looks like. This book not only has that, but also has the adult child (Whoopi) reflecting on the parts that mattered to affirm it. I also appreciate how Whoopi acknowledges the choices/sacrifices she made as a parent and how that has affected the relationship she has cultivated with her own daughter. I am neither a parent, nor trained to specialize in working with children, so this book (maybe paired with The Power of Showing Up) can be a great way to fill in some of those gaps for my clients in our work together as we explore how they show up in their roles as a parent/caretaker.
Additionally, there is the theme of grief and loss. Sometimes it can be incredibly validating to see yourself reflected in another person’s story, especially when it can be hard to talk to people about what you’re going through (as was highlighted in Devine’s It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok ). This book can be a way to not feel so alone in your grief, as well as to affirm that the experience of losing a parent (at any age) can be so impactful and complex. And while I have had my own experiences with grief and loss, I have to be incredibly mindful of the use of self-disclosure with clients. So this book can exemplify that personal experience in ways that may not be appropriate for me to do within the context of the therapeutic relationship.
