Sitting, Stewing, or Suppressing: We Have Options for Managing Emotions
Emotions can be a very hot topic–either because it’s something we love to talk about or are eager to avoid (like a hot potato). But no matter how you FEEL about your feelings, they are still an inherent part of being a human being so we cannot get rid of them. So then, what CAN we do with or about them? The good news is that we have options, the bad news is that all of our options are not necessarily in the realm of healthy and may result in some unpleasant consequences. But, you have choices. And without judgment, I support you in making the best choice for you at the time.
Option 1: Suppress your emotions – This is usually a form of avoidance, where we “shut it down”, stuff down our emotions, numb our emotions, or dissociate from them to convince ourselves we are “fine; everything’s fine”.
Option 2: Stew in your emotions – Just like stirring stew in a pot, we usually go in circles and get ourselves very riled up; we ruminate on our thoughts, recollect the triggering event and replay it over and over again; and often conjure a lot of judgment about ourselves or someone else.
Option 3: Sit with your emotions – This is an experience of identifying the emotion(s) we are feeling and allowing ourselves to feel them. We acknowledge them and focus our attention on them as if they were a person sitting next to us.
If we imagine our emotions as a form of energy, we appreciate that energy has to go somewhere. The first two options keep the energy locked in place, either by stuffing down or going in circles. And therefore, the first two options may serve a successful purpose in the short term, but eventually that energy has to escape and often does so in the form of an uncontrolled release such as a meltdown, panic attack, rage, angry blow-up, etc. The third option may be difficult, distressing, or even overwhelming in the moment; but sitting with our emotions allows us to PROCESS and therefore RELEASE the emotions (and therefore the energy), and with it, the discomfort. Sitting with the emotions can induce short term discomfort with long term relief.
That being said, effectively and safely sitting with and processing emotions can take skill that requires practice, especially coping skills so that we can tolerate the short term distress. Engaging in exercises such as journaling can be a great way to focus on something tangible and concrete given that emotions can often feel vague and ambiguous. Using a tool like an Emotions Wheel may help give you concrete language to name the emotions you’re feeling. And coping skills such as self-soothing techniques, grounding techniques, or even the support of a friend or loved one so you don’t feel alone can be great ways to help you tolerate the discomfort.
That being said, if these skills or supports are not available to you now, I support your decision to continue to use the first two options in the event that it is the best, safest, or most accessible option for you at this time.
If you are located in the Vancouver, WA area and would like some support in developing the skills so you can effectively and safely sit with and process your emotions, click here for more information about how I may be able to help.
